Saturday, November 22, 2008

And then there was one...

I am not good at living alone. I mean, I REALLY hate it. I have no desire to do so - ever. I love LOVE having roommates, and fortunately, throughout my entire life, I have had PHENOMENAL relationships with my roomies -you know who you are and I love you. However, this week, I am roommate-less. I have been dreading the day that everyone left, and sure enough, it came. So when I walked back in the house.... well, I'll let you read below.

Following, there is an email I sent to my newly ex-roommates about 25 minutes after they pulled out of the driveway.....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

now that i am officially a house of 'one,' i thought i would update you on what's been going on at 5 Gilbert in the last - oh, 25 minutes or so that i have lived alone.

ok, so as soon as you left i walked back to my room and cried - you know - like a little baby.
then i turned on bob marley don't worry 'bout a thing... every little thing gonna be alright.
that made me feel better.

then I saw that princess had left her shoes by her chair (way to go big foot), and that cheered me up a little too thinking about how big her feet are.

and then i realized the there was one very important upside of being the only one left ---

Everything left in the kitchen....

is MINE!

(not that people being here ever really stopped any of us before from eating anything, but now ... now there was freedom)

so of course i waddled to the kitchen to check out the scene. i first scoped out the cubbords (how in the world do you spell that?) - saw all that was left of rosa's peanutbutter and stale granola - rummaged through the rest of the cubbords (cubbards?) - saw... 70 things of tea, a stale rusk or two --- seriously? THROW ME A BONE PEOPLE. Pitiful, I tell you - pitiful. But then I remembered there was one more little place.

The fridge!

I opened the fridge to see what treasures would now all be mine.

The bounty: a bag of lettuce so old and rotten that it had expanded and bloated to its limit. I mean seriously, this bag was a full on BALLOON of rotten lettuce.

I picked it up gingerly and threw it in the garbage can along with a whole load of other semi-rotten 'veg' (as you say here).

Thanks, girls. Thank you for the rotten veg. Much appreciated.

Since that was a flop, I made the round to the bathrooms to see what products I could lavish myself with the next week.

There aren't many products left... but there were surely a LOT of... razors. Twelve to be exact. TWELVE! That means that even at our full capacity we were averaging 2 razors per person. Who knew we had such serious hair issues. Oh wait, I just found another one on my desk. 13. Thirteen razors.

Plotting my next shaving escapades, I returned to my room and Bob Marley. I settled in to feel especially sorry for myself (and maybe even eat some of the chocolate Cilnette gave me). I turned off Bob to wallow in the utter silence of loneliness.

and then..... BANG!!

I swear that the whole house shook.

And my heart stopped.

I mean seriously, it sounded like a gunshot in the kitchen.

I half walked/half crawled in there to see who had broken into our house and fired a shotgun.

But instead, I found a room covered - I mean COVERED..

in rotten lettuce.

Yes, that's right - the lettuce bag had exploded over the entire kitchen.

So enjoy your nice kitchens at home girls! Don't worry, I have it under control.

In your absence I will surely keep myself busy wiping rotten veg off of every surface in the kitchen and when I get done, maybe I'll shave.

;) I love you.


Genie said...

Miss you, dear! Your post made me laugh, and I absolutely cannot wait to see you in a month or so!

Kent said...

Oh Master's degree candidate - Cup (what you put in it) + board (what you put the cup on) = cupboard.

Love and kisses

Karlee said...

Hmmm.... An explosion of food in the kitchen. This sounds oddly familiar. However, I believe it was raspberry puree the last time! Good luck getting your rotten veg off the ceiling.