I am not good at living alone. I mean, I REALLY hate it. I have no desire to do so - ever. I love LOVE having roommates, and fortunately, throughout my entire life, I have had PHENOMENAL relationships with my roomies -you know who you are and I love you. However, this week, I am roommate-less. I have been dreading the day that everyone left, and sure enough, it came. So when I walked back in the house.... well, I'll let you read below.
Following, there is an email I sent to my newly ex-roommates about 25 minutes after they pulled out of the driveway.....
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now that i am officially a house of 'one,' i thought i would update you on what's been going on at 5 Gilbert in the last - oh, 25 minutes or so that i have lived alone.
ok, so as soon as you left i walked back to my room and cried - you know - like a little baby.
then i turned on bob marley don't worry 'bout a thing... every little thing gonna be alright.
that made me feel better.
then I saw that princess had left her shoes by her chair (way to go big foot), and that cheered me up a little too thinking about how big her feet are.
and then i realized the there was one very important upside of being the only one left ---
Everything left in the kitchen....
(not that people being here ever really stopped any of us before from eating anything, but now ... now there was freedom)
so of course i waddled to the kitchen to check out the scene. i first scoped out the cubbords (how in the world do you spell that?) - saw all that was left of rosa's peanutbutter and stale granola - rummaged through the rest of the cubbords (cubbards?) - saw... 70 things of tea, a stale rusk or two --- seriously? THROW ME A BONE PEOPLE. Pitiful, I tell you - pitiful. But then I remembered there was one more little place.
I opened the fridge to see what treasures would now all be mine.
The bounty: a bag of lettuce so old and rotten that it had expanded and bloated to its limit. I mean seriously, this bag was a full on BALLOON of rotten lettuce.
I picked it up gingerly and threw it in the garbage can along with a whole load of other semi-rotten 'veg' (as you say here).
Thanks, girls. Thank you for the rotten veg. Much appreciated.
Since that was a flop, I made the round to the bathrooms to see what products I could lavish myself with the next week.
There aren't many products left... but there were surely a LOT of... razors. Twelve to be exact. TWELVE! That means that even at our full capacity we were averaging 2 razors per person. Who knew we had such serious hair issues. Oh wait, I just found another one on my desk. 13. Thirteen razors.
Plotting my next shaving escapades, I returned to my room and Bob Marley. I settled in to feel especially sorry for myself (and maybe even eat some of the chocolate Cilnette gave me). I turned off Bob to wallow in the utter silence of loneliness.
and then..... BANG!!
I swear that the whole house shook.
And my heart stopped.
I mean seriously, it sounded like a gunshot in the kitchen.
I half walked/half crawled in there to see who had broken into our house and fired a shotgun.
But instead, I found a room covered - I mean COVERED..
in rotten lettuce.
Yes, that's right - the lettuce bag had exploded over the entire kitchen.
So enjoy your nice kitchens at home girls! Don't worry, I have it under control.
In your absence I will surely keep myself busy wiping rotten veg off of every surface in the kitchen and when I get done, maybe I'll shave.
;) I love you.