I wish I could say that it is because I've been so busy implementing our project that I just haven't had time.
Truth is, I hit a low.
Like a LOW low - as in, looking at plane tickets home low.
I have been frustrated with projects I have worked on before, and I've seen projects really struggle. But this has been a whole new level for me, and truthfully, I am just exhausted and disillusioned by it. If you are one of my amazing friends who is wondering why I have fallen off the face of the earth, this is why (Estelly, I'm talking to you).
I won't go into the details for a couple of reasons - first of all, its too long of a story, and second of all, there is a part of me that really really really hopes that things are going to turn around, change for the better, some miracle is going to happen or... something... and I don't want to say anything to stop that from happening.
But this struggle is part of the story of this kind of career. Its written about in hundreds of books. Any development professional will tell you that its the norm rather than the exception. This work is the opposite of glamorous. People get cynical. 100s of projects fail for every one that succeeds, and even the ones that succeed can be twisted to show that they also fail in a way. Its a pessimist's dream come true.
But I'm not a pessimist.
So its kind of hard on me.
And I want to see the light.
And think that what I am doing is going to make a difference, even if its really really small.
So today, I am going to go to the Masai Market, and bargain with some sellers.
And eat fabulous Ethiopian food in celebration of my friend's first wedding anniversary.
Book tickets to the beach for a weekend away.
And get my optimism back.
Then I'm going to laugh at all of this. And set a new goal, and work towards it.
Because I think that's what you have to do to survive.
The girl in the picture above made her own doll out of scraps from the sewer in the slum. She sat on the ground while all of the other kids were clamoring to have their picture taking and patiently tied her doll together.
If she can make something fabulous out of scraps from the sewer, so can I. ;)