tragedy

today I received news that a great and godly man, and friend of mine from Malawi, died of malaria this month.

malaria claimed his wife only months ago.

they left four young children, who are now numbered among the countless orphans in malawi.

suddenly i understand the questions people ask of God.

why HIM? why did this man, whose life was dedicated to orphans and the downtrodden, have to die of a treatable disease?

all of those statistics, are people.

its all real.

my heart
is broken.

............

i don't know how to reconcile the fact that i went to the health clinic the other day on campus and was given free malaria medication by the doctor - they just had it 'on hand' as a sample.

and the fact that a man i worked with, painted with, sweated with, laughed with is now dead.
and his daughter, who i played with, is an orphan.

i don't know how to reconcile that.

...............

a huge realization with this work and these opportunities has been how much I have been given.

but the gut wrenching part is understanding what responsibility comes with that.

if you knew you could save a man by paying $10, would you?

A malaria net costs $10.

Today I spent more than $10 on dinner out when I had food in the fridge.

and George is dead.

.........

i am devastated.

i feel like its important to write about this, because its real.

Luke 12:48

Pictures from Malawi!

Malawi

Readjusting

When some people come back from poor countries, they sit at home in their living rooms and wonder what they can get rid of and how they can better serve the poor.

I read People magazines.

I don't know what the deal is, but whenever I get back from a really intense experience in a developing area, I go into this hyper-consumer mode and want to buy everything that I see.

Traveling back from Malawi, I went through this process in the Joburg airport. The first thing I saw when I got off the plane back in Johannesburg was a huge, shining, shimmering, sugary-smelling candy store. You know, one of those with hundreds of bins of every kind of candy you have ever seen - licorice, chocolates, gum drops, hard candy, soft candy - - pretty much anything that could possibly rot out your teeth was in that store. They had imported candy from Europe, the US, and even parts of Asia. Oh, the glory of the colors, the extravagance, the stickiness.... after the dirt, poverty and heart-wrenching reality of Malawi, this candy store stood as the beacon of all that was excessive, consumeristic and luxurious. I was in awe. I wandered into the store in a daze, and the sticky surgary smell enveloped me with open arms. I walked from candy bin to candy bin, staring in to each one for an inappropriately long amount of time. I was a pretty sight, I'm sure. I was dirty, covered in paint from the previous days of painting classrooms, and wearing dirty clothes (we hadn't had water the last couple of days I was in Malawi), and hugging two backpacks - one on my front and one on my back. And I could not get enough of the candy store. I didn't know what to pick out - there were so many choices! I wandered around so long that the store manager came and asked me politely if I needed help with anything. This snapped me out of my daze, and I quickly grabbed three bags (yes, bags), paid and left. I then found the entertainment section of a newspaper that had been tossed aside on a table, sat in a corner by myself near my boarding gate, and greedily ate candy until my stomach hurt and my teeth were fuzzy.

And that I how I dealt with reverse culture shock. I have no idea what this says about my character, but it can't be good.

Preview of Malawi

Malawi bound!

I had a wonderful, wonderful time in Pretoria with Estelle and her family. Estelle took me for a taste of Afrikaner culture around Pretoria (including a meal at Boer'giousie and a visit to the Voertrekker monument! - pictures coming shortly) . I also had the chance to *relax* in their beautiful home, get some reading done, and take long naps. :) Yesterday we headed into Johannesburg to the American consulate and I was able to get long awaited pages added to my ridiculously full passport - yay! I will finally not have to stress out every time I cross a border.

And now - I am sitting in the airport awaiting my flight to Malawi. Tracy and her daughter McKallie are most likely on my same flight, so I am keeping my eye out for them. I am extremely excited.

A special thank you to Estelle and her wonderful family for taking me in and making me feel at home the last several days!!!!

Malawi, I'm on my way - and other such news.

Its official! I just booked a ticket to Malawi for September 10-17th. One of our dear family friends, Tracy, is coming down with her daughter to prepare to officially open an orphanage. This is a project that I have held near to my heart since the moment I heard about it, and I am so excited toIgo and spend some time (albeit short) with them and see the amazing work that is taking place. Here's the link to the orphanage:

McKallie's Home of Future and Hope

It continues to amaze me that I do things like book tickets to Malawi and plan trips to orphanages as one of my daily activities. I cannot image being more blessed. I have been thinking about this a lot lately... and I don't even know where to begin expressing gratitude for - all of this.

In other news, I went back to Settler's Hospital today. (this is where I play with HIV+ kids while they wait for treatment) This was a somewhat big deal for me because since I went last week I have been pretty emotional - it was very hard on me emotionally last time. Today I spent the morning making animal masks with the kids and then playing tiger and springbok (meaning they are the tigers and I am the springbok, meaning essentially they have an excuse to hit/kick me - its great). It amazes me how impressionable kids are. They especially liked the way that I drew stripes on my tiger mask, and about 4 of them copied me meticulously. I kept lamenting that I had gone the traditional route with the colors, as all of them followed suit (I believe in encouraging creativity, even if that means a green polka-dot tiger). It made me hyper-aware of how actions are so much louder than words. Not speaking the same language also makes me aware of that. :)

Tangent on that note: today I was really hyped up about talking to the kids in Xhosa, as almost none of them speak English. I made a promise to go out of my way to address them in Xhosa (as most of the volunteers don't). So I sat down, gathered my courage (and pride), picked my kid, and threw at him my very best opening lines of Xhosa. He just stared at me. So I tried again, speaking more clearly this time - Ngubani igama lakho? (what is your name?) - more stares. Then he said, patiently: Are you trying to ask my name? "My name is Sipho and I speak English." Ha! Thank you Sipho.