No one talks about...

what its like to be crazy passionate, qualified, but ... unemployed.

Its my choice.
And technically, I'm not even unemployed. I actually have two jobs.
but i'm working on starting my career.
a career that gets me up in the morning.
and makes my heart thump.
where i DO what i BELIEVE.

Man there are HIGHS -
those wonderful moments when i realize that literally ANYTHING is possible,
ANYTHING could happen,
I could go ANYWHERE
do ANYTHING
love ANYONE
if i can DREAM it, I can DO it!
its utter FREEDOM!

And then there are the LOWS -

and lows are LOW and I mean LOW.
Scary low - feeling like I am wasting my life, wasting these precious days - scary realizations that I am 26 (as if the number in itself is a scary thing, whatever that means) - scary spiraling fears that start with -
what if i'm not good enough
to
what if i don't get my dream job
to
what if i'm missing a huge opportunity
to
what if i don't get any job
to
.....
and somehow that ends up
with
what if i never have babies???

what??!? where did babies come in to this?

its like my the worrying parts of my brain are so overstimulated, they are able to pick up anything, and I mean ANYTHING to worry about.

so breathing has become something i have to concentrate on, a lot.

because people, especially people who love me, want to know...
what is next?
what are your plans?

and sometimes that makes me shaky ... because it is really scary and humbling to say...

i. have. no. idea.

i've never been that person before.
i've always known what was next, and what was next was always... pretty cool.
but i'm not that person right now.
i'm the 'i have no idea what i'm doing' person.
its an identity change.


but its also good - one day at a time kind of good.
taking deep breathes
appreciating leaves and snow kind of good.
sitting over coffee with old friends and scheming about possible life plans kind of good.
relinquishing control an really trusting god kind of good.
refinding music kind of good.
hot baths kind of good.
essentially, appreciating the little things kind of good.

so if you are going through something similar, you are not alone.
i'm here, drinking ginger tea, with 100 tabs open on my computer and 15 open half finished applications, 43 simultaneous half-formed life plans, and a deep fear of being asked what those plans are.

and sometimes, i even enjoy it a little. :)

And here is one thing I do know:
I am not going to settle.
Something amazing is going to happen.
Because... I just know it will.
And the people whose lives I admire the most, never settled.
And until this something amazing comes up, I am going to enjoy being with the people I love.
And breathe a lot.


PS -
i promise i will ALWAYS help you if you are looking for a job (not that i'm a lot of help right now, but you know...).
i won't just tell you to look at the website.
and if i'm an employer of an amazing org, i will ALWAYS WRITE EVERY PERSON WHO APPLIES back a note, even if it is just to say no.
because everyone deserves at least a no.
and everyone deserves a little help.
and we shouldn't have to sell our souls to get a job that we would be great at.
you know?

ok, that's all for today.

Some introductions and explanations.

Here's what's up this summer:

This is the organization that I am working with this summer.
This article by the Daily Nation explains how the Iko Toilet is changing the whole concept of sanitation in Nairobi.

This is my internship coordinator.
This article by Ashoka gives the low down on his visions for a new form of sanitation in Nairobi.
He just won African Entrepreneur of the Year from the World Economic Forum.
Read about it here.

What I am 'doing' this summer (subject to change, of course) includes, but is not limited to:

• What I'm doing: Helping create a needs-based assessment for areas of two slums where the Iko Toilet has been introduced.
• What that means: The three other interns and I are interviewing key community members, writing and administering a survey-type questionnaire and forming focus groups in order to learn about how, why, when, who, etc. uses the toilets in the slums, and what their current hygiene practices are. The data that we will collect from these surveys will tell us about people's knowledge, attitudes and perceptions regarding water, sanitation and a little bit about health.

• What I'm doing: Laying the groundwork for a hygiene social marketing campaign.
• What that means: We are going to take the information from the surveys and begin to create an education campaign about hygiene. In other words, if we learn that hand-washing is a huge problem, we will come up with creative ways to educate and promote hand-washing within the cultural context of the areas we are working. An idea currently being worked on is a radio reality show. Watch out.

• What I am doing: Helping create a global movement for clean water and against cholera.
• What this means: In conjunction with other graduate students around the world, I am working to start an awareness initiative (read: blog) regarding cholera and how it can be wiped out. Think Rotary and Polio. This excites me GREATLY.

This is the last week of classes.

Meaning I am almost no longer a student. And I'm leaving for Kenya in just a couple of weeks. Here's what I need to figure out how do to ASAP:


1. Publish chapter from thesis (I have no idea where to start and it makes me kind of sweaty).

2. Learn some conversational Swahili (asante sana!).

3. Write up a business plan for NGO idea.

4. Find something to do that actually sends paychecks for once I get back from Kenya (income is always a perk, right Dad?).

5. End up in the same city as this guy.

OK. Ready go.

My Official New Life Plan,

at least until August,


involves the largest slum in Africa,


flying toilets,


a Rotary 3H Grant,


an Ashoka Fellow,


and being a teacher again.


Details to come.

Next Steps

Here is my itinerary for the next few weeks:

• Nov. 23 - Nov. 27: Grahamstown, SOUTH AFRICA - Finish thesis, start PhD applications, say goodbye to my home of a year.
• Nov. 28 - Dec. 7: Lamu and Mombasa, KENYA - bask on the beach and swim in the Indian ocean, drink things out of coconuts and pineapples with the lovely Elisa!! and Jeannie!!
  
• Dec. 7 - Dec. 14th: Arusha, Zanzibar, Dar es Salaam TANZANIA - look at Mt. Kilimanjaro (no climbing), meet up with crazy Denver people who DO climb, bask on the Spice Islands.
• Dec. 14th - Dec. 15th: Pretoria, SOUTH AFRICA - stay with the wonderful family of Estelle, eat my last South African meal, say goodbye to this amazing country.
• Dec. 15 - Dec. 17th: International skies - sleep, watch movies, journal, eat airport food.
• Dec. 17th - Dec. 30th: BURLEY, Idaho - love on my family, my childhood friends, and my home town, sleep, have ridiculous amounts of Christmas cheer, finish PhD applications.
• Dec. 30th - Drive to Denver
• Dec. 31- Jan 5th: HOUSTON! Love on my amazing Houston family (best people in the world), snuggle with Victor and his family, celebrate new years, give my welcome back presentation to my sponsor Rotary club.
• Jan 6th - Jan. 11th: DENVER - bother/love Catherine and Peter and John and Meredith, avoid their dogs, look for somewhere to live, go to lots of meetings.
• Jan. 11th - March 23rd - JERUSALEM: attend Hebrew University, work with Human Rights NGO (tba).

Phew, that kind of makes me tired to look at, but that's my amazingly ridiculous reality for the next couple of months. If you are in any of those places, block me out a meal or a cup of tea, I am so anxious to reconnect with my loved ones.

The next great adventure... will begin as soon as I finish this ridiculous paper.

I am writing furiously for the next 12 or so hours, and then tonight at 7pm, I am boarding a bus for Cape Town. My schedule for the next 6 weeks looks something like this:

July 19-21: I get to see my fiance! I am spending a quick (but much needed/anticipated) couple of days in Cape Town with Victor.
June 21: My parents arrive in Cape Town!!
June 23-24: Victoria Falls, Zambia
June 25: Chobe National Park, Botswana
June 26-29: Kruger National Park, South Africa and road trip down the Wild Coast
June 30-July 2: National Arts Festival in Grahamstown, South Africa

July 3-July 16: Backpacking in Uganda and Rwanda with Rosa

July 16-August 4th: Pears, Rach and Kate are in South Africa!!! Road tripping through the country, with a few 'school' breaks.... I have a seminar at which I am presenting on the 26th.

I am so incredibly excited to get the adventure of the next 6 weeks started!!! I am so blessed to have these travel opportunities ahead, and the chance to spend some quality time with my parents, Victor and Kate/Pears/Rachael!

Life. is. good.

My paper on the other hand.... needs some help. :)

indeed too good to be true

the internet people have been coming to my house now... for 8 days. I asked them on the first day which day they would be done... they said tomorrow. I asked them on the second day which day they would be done... they said tomorrow. I asked them on the third day which day they would be done... you get the point. They didn't come back today, I don't know what that means. It really isn't a very big deal - I can walk to a computer lab easily. Almost nothing else about the different ways of working bother me at all - i understand when shops are closed for hours at a time in the middle of the day for no reason, or when the waiter suddenly disappears and takes 2 hours to bring our food... all of this is part of the experience of living in South Africa. The internet thing, though, is driving me crazy. I think its more because I keep expecting it to be installed and ready to go when I go home every day. Anyway, any of you who are waiting for me to have skpe... we're still waiting. Maybe we should just give in and buy a lot of phone cards. ;)

chilling in Grahamstown..

This is a picture of my roommates and two of the other Rotary scholars. Last Wednesday, we spent an evening being Eben's groupies as he performed at a local bar.

Counting down..

Happy New Year!!

Hello! This blog will hopefully serve as a means to communicate with my family, friends and the Rotarians who so generously have given me the opportunity to serve as a Rotary Ambassadorial Scholar to South Africa.

I will be leaving the United States on January 9th, and two days of layovers later, I will arrive in Cape Town for 3 weeks of Xhosa (pronounced "click"- hosa) training. On February 4th I will arrive in my new home for the next year - Grahamstown, South Africa.

While I'm in Grahamstown, I will be studying International Studies at Rhodes University.

I think it just dawned on me this past week that all of this is reality and is really happening.

This scholarship is such a phenomenal opportunity, and I cannot thank Rotary enough for the chance to travel and study in Southern Africa. I will provide more details over the year, but if you are interested in more information about the Rotary Ambassadorial Scholarship, follow the link.

I will update this blog as often as possible during my year abroad, so stay tuned!

Here's to the adventure that is 2008!